Today was a home day for us. It was supposed to be uneventful, but it turned out to be not so uneventful in the end due to the other mother! It started with me sending her an email and asking for her help with yaincoa and watching what he eats as requested by the doctor (he is between overweight and obese and we have been trying to get his weight down for a year now, but the wicked witch does nothing to help us and does not believe the doctor). He has to complete a weekly ‘menu’ of what he has eaten each day so that he can become aware of healthy eating and so that the doctor can also see what he is eating. We complete ours every week, but despite sending the information to the wicked with about 3 times now, she has never done one, and continues to give him food hat he shouldn’t be eating (i.e., chocolate waffles, chocolate croissants etc). The doctor specifically asked Yain to complete it during his weeks with his mother, and for this I sent her the message via email and text. The following week when we got yaincoa and I asked him if he had completed his menu with his mom he said no, and when I asked why he told me that his mother had told him not to complete it, she didn’t want him to. This plus the fact that she phoned us on Monday to tell us Yain was sick, however when we got him home in the middle of the day, he was clearly not sick. She claimed he had a “temperature” of 37.2 and a really bad cough. He had no temperature and did not cough once, but quite ‘coincidentally’ he had not done his homework on the weekend that was due that day. I was fuming with her and sent her an email to say that although we try and try, she refuses to do anything for us or for Yaincoa. She made a few comments about me to xavi resulting in me sending her a message this morning. She phoned me and we had an argument. She started off trying to be all sweet and serene saying that she didn’t have any problems with us. After a few minutes she was calling xavi a liar ad telling me that we were damaging and traumatising Yaincoa. A few minutes she was childishly trying to make comments about my parents. After that she was then claiming that we are envious and jealous of her and her life. She then swiftly started to insult me and finally she finished the conversation by doing that thing we all did when we were twelve years old by putting on a mock sing song voice while you taunt the other person and then she put the phone down on my ear as I was asking if she as actually 12 years old. What did I say? I told her that xavi was no liar as the truth was that she has never taken her son to the dentist, or the doctors in at least the last 2 years and that she hasn’t paid his support. I told her that she will have to explain to yaincoa one day why she is leaving him with her parents after everything she has said about them, I reminded her that if yaincoa has any issues about body it is probably due to the fact that she told him he has a fat stomach and that at 7 years old she was teaching him how to do sit ups, or the fact that even though he knows he shouldn’t be eating chocolate doughnuts, she keeps buying them for him. I laughed out loud when she said I was jealous of her! I was shaking when I got off the phone but I also felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Wicked witch and I have spoken once before on the phone and it went more or less the same way – she just continually speaks and I lose all hope with life!
I realised something that I had slowly started to realise before. Wicked witch is incredibly childish! I think this is due to the fact that she has no argument, she is not right, and deep down she knows it although she would never admit it. So when you call her up on something, she tries to throw it straight back at you. Remember when you were in school and you would say something to someone in a fight and they would simply answer the same thing straight back at you? That is her. I also realised with great sadness that she will never ever change. As many times as we try with her and as many different way that we try, she remains the same. This is not good news for yaincoa or for us.
But xavi and I discussed all of this during this week and we have both realised that nothing will change with her. We are trying one more time with the lawyers and after that is she remains the same which I suspect that she will, then we will simply continue doing everything we can for yaincoa and hope that the good we are trying to do will combat the bad that she is doing. We cannot keep wasting our energies with her. I can only hope that one day she may realise all of this and start to do everything that yaincoa deserves from his mother.
Hi Shannon, I just wanted to say that I think you have a great deal of patience dealing with the 'wicked witch' it must make life so difficult. I take it you are trying to get full custody of Yaincoa. I wanted to post a comment on here because I think you are right she is messed up and reminds me of some people I have unfortunately had dealings with in the past. Prior to having my son I worked in a residential child protection unit and to me she sounds like a classic psychopath. That probably sounds really scary and it doesn't mean that she is a physical danger (unless she has a history of violence) but that she is uncureable. Psychopaths lack empathy, are manipulative, compulsive liars and thrill seekers. Here's a link for you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy#Characteristics
ReplyDeleteTo me from what you have said here and in previous blogs she fits the bill. I wish you well Shannon but if you can Yaincoa away from her the better for him and all of you. It makes me really sad to think that mother's like this exist and use their children as a weapon in there own sick games. I'm sure with all the love Yaincoa gets from Xavi, you and Emmeline makes a positive difference. Hugs from me xxx
Hey Shannon, the most important thing is not to allow her to upset you. If she thinks she has a hold on you emotionally, she will use it at every cost because that's the only card she has to play. She is aware that she has nothing that you want, except for the well being of her son, and by failing her responsibilites to keep her son well and healthy to spite you and Xavi, she is showing what kind of Selfish person she is,,
ReplyDeleteNo matter how you feel about her and the discussions you have with Xavi or your lawyers, don't let he bring you down if you talk to her next time. In fact, if she makes a degrading comment about you, Xavi or your family, simply let out a gentle laugh so she understands that nothing she says will be taken seriously by you, and get back stright to the point of Yainoca,, and if she is not interested, tell her you will speak to her when she is ready to discuss her son's welfare, say bye and put the phone down.. Sorry, just wanted to share my point of view with you..
Be well hun, to you and all your family..
Andreas x