Wasted trip to the Zoo

I think that whilst I was pregnant and my body was making little Emmeline, something went wrong somewhere between week 18 and week 38. I appear to have not manufactured whatever gene is necessary for my child to show any interest whatsoever in animals at the zoo!!! She totally lacks the animal interest gene much to my dismay!

It all began in the morning. I was at a loss as to what to do and then like a lightning bolt out of the blue, it hit me – let’s go to the zoo. I thought that it was a fantastic idea! I imagined little noodles face lighting up when she saw the giraffes, squealing with little baby delight at the monkeys and awestruck by the bears. I have way too much imagination and I do believe that what I was actually imagining was some piece of crap Disney movie, because these kinds of reactions from an 8 month old baby could only happen in the land of Walt!

The day started as it meant to continue, not remarkably well! Xavi and Yaincoa had things to do, so I got us ready and decided to walk down to the zoo so that Emmeline could doze off whilst we were walking and then wake up and refreshed for when we got there! Off we trundled. . .  

A quarter of the way there and Emmeline had eyes like saucers. Still awake.

Half way there and she was screaming her lungs out at me due to tiredness (everyone was looking at me like I was an evil mommy who had abandoned her baby). Still awake.

Three quarters of the way there she had given up crying and was now just listlessly staring at the walls of her pram. Still awake

When we got there (or more so, to the park at the entrance of the zoo), she started to wail at me again. Still awake.

I was screwed. I knew that if we went into the gym she would fall straight asleep – Murphy’s Law.

So I decided to walk around the park and in a last ditch effort I whipped out the emergency dummy and plonked it into her mouth. She decided to really push me by then playing with the stupid dummy and putting it in her mouth, chewing it, taking it out and waving it about as if she was about to throw it away! Silly cow!

I gave up and eventually just decided to go into the zoo and see what happened. 17eu later and we were in. I had put Emmeline into the baby sling so that she could see all the animals better, I had my camera out ready to start recording one of life’s beautiful moments, and I had a really dumb grin of a new parent on my face.

First up, an ostrich! It was right in front of us, it is from my home country of South Africa and it was huge. I pointed it out to Emmeline, used an appropriate sing song voice, went ‘ooh’, ‘aah’ and ‘wow’. Emmeline looked more amused at me than the big bird! So I shut up and just pointed. Nope, still grinning at me like an idiot! Took out the camera to at least get a picture of the stupid bird I had seen a thousand times and my dud daughter launched at the camera finding it much more amusing than the bird. I told myself that perhaps in her little baby eyes, the ostrich was camouflaged?

I was determined and so off we went. Next up: flamingos. Bright, big flamingos right in front of us, playing in the water! LOTS OF BIG BRIGHT BIRDS! Nothing! Once again, my dud of a baby was more interested in me and the camera than the wildlife that surrounded us.

Hmmmmmmm, starting to get an uncomfortable feeling . . .

I heard the monkeys and headed in that direction thinking they would definitely get some kind of reaction from my daughter. By the time I got there, Emmeline was snoring away on my chest! Silly cow.

So there I was, a lone adult (absolutely parched, with no water and no money and convinced I couldn’t pay for anything by card) pushing around an empty pram with her (increasingly heavy) daughter strapped to her chest fast asleep and snoring. Uncomfortable and thirsty!

Had I not have seen many animals before it could have been alright, but I spent 2 months touring AFRICA! I have seen the big 5! I have touched a cheetah; I have been 1 meter away from wild silverback gorillas, wild elephants and wild giraffe! I watched a hyena chase down a baby gazelle, I have seen whales swimming just off the shore in front of me and I have swam with dolphins! I have seen all of this in the wild, in their natural environments! And so for me, not only does the zoo not compare, it is also just a little but sad!

But there I was bidding my time until sleeping beauty woke up! Coincidentally, the lions were also sleeping, the panther was sleeping, the jaguar was sleeping, the tiger was sleeping, the hippopotamus was sleeping, the wolves were sleeping . . . . In fact it would seem that the only moron who was not asleep was ME!

Eventually Emmeline woke up, and I was buoyed on by new optimism! We quickly did lunch and then went over to the chimpanzees. There was only one and it was kind of far away, so when she did not pay much interest I thought it must be camouflaged again. How much can 8 month olds really see?

Then along came a lady throwing bread at the monkeys – something I am pretty sure you are not allowed to do but something that no-one cared about because with the bread thrower came 5 chimpanzees!!! And every time she hurfed bread at them, they performed tricks! TRICKS! Their arms would move and they would strike poses; they would clap their hands and move about – actual performing chimpanzee’s right in front of us! I had to elbow a few dodgy looking gypsies out the way so that Emmeline could see, and you know what my little angel did?? She launched herself at the camera every opportunity she got and when she couldn’t do that, she kept trying to grab some mans leather jacket!! She didn’t give a stuff about the performing chimpanzees, oh no, a leather jacket was way more interesting.

Everyone, please meet my dud of a daughter Emmeline.

Somewhere, someone is laughing their arse off at my expense.

The final straw came when she paid no interest to the giant elephant standing in front of us! I gave up, I put her back in her pram and I gave her the lid of her bottle to keep her entertained!

I eventually checked if I could buy something and pay by card and yes, I could. I bought water, coke, and chips and replenished myself! Managed at least to get a photo of Emmeline with some giraffe in the background to remember her first zoo trip! Although I think the picture of her trying to grab the camera out of my hand is a much more accurate picture!!!

What made the whole day worse? Whilst walking home, Emmeline spotted a pigeon. An average, every day, common street pigeon. What did she do?

Shrieked with delight . . .

p.s. update: at least we didn’t go 2 weeks later – mommy wolf escaped with her babies in tow and had several areas of Barcelona on alert whilst they rounded her and her little ones up to go back to the zoo!