Saturday, March 24, 2012

Growing a Penis

So I am growing a penis inside of me. I am having a boy and therefore I am growing a teeny little winky inside of me. This feels somewhat odd and strange.I know I will love my little boy just as much as my daughter, it is not a question of love, never has been.

The bottom line is that I am having a boy and that does kind of freak me out. I have a little girl, and I have always felt comfortable with that. Why? Well quite basically because I am a girl! I have a girl body, I have a girl head, I have girl feelings, I know what my little girl is going to go through. I played with dolls, made jewellery, had a badge making machine, played barbie, had my own little baby doll. I know how to play with my little girl because I was a little girl and I cannot wait to do those things with her.

Now for the boy part. I never had a winky, I have no idea what to do with one of those! When you change the nappy, does winky go up or does winky go down? I have visions of being sprayed by fountains of wee from my baby! Boys think different to us, plain and simple. It is not a myth, as far as I am convinced it is a fact! It is not Mars and Venus, some days I think we come from different solar systems. I am not going to know what he has got going on in his head, all those testosterone filled feelings, all that wounded male pride malarkey etc because I was never a boy. I don't know what goes on in their heads!! I have a step son so I have a bit of an idea. I tried playing cars and I am sorry, but how boring? Vroom, vroom, park. Airplanes - vroom, vroom, fly. Action man - kick, punch, fight. Robots - the same thing. Then there is the whole throwing rocks, chasing birds, playing football in the house (because isnt that the best place to play football?), fascination with cars, motorbikes, anything that goes fast or crashes or explodes, the dismantling / breaking things and the general destroying of all sorts of things. There is the wily fascination that starts from the minute they realise that there is something down there and lets be honest, never actually stops. So now I can prepare myself for a house full of ball shifting.

Lets face it, I don't get boys!

Now I have heard from several mothers that there are things you get from a boy that you don't get from a girl and this too I have seen in my step son. There is the protectiveness, the chivalry, the compliments etc. I have told boys can be mommies boys and girls are daddies girls. However I am still somewhat scared about having a boy. I worry so much that I am going to be a rubbish mother to a boy. I am sure that I will learn to be a mother to a boy, but that doesn't actually make me feel any better. I am still freaking out!

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