Morphing into a Stay at Home Mom

I realised this week that I am a stay at home mom.... something I never wanted to be!



Image taken from www.fabulously40.com



The idea I used to have in my head of a stay at home mom was someone who only ever wears tights and a big baggy t shirt and just cleans and irons stuff. It wasn’t a pleasant image and I now realise that it was not a fair one either. I realise now that I had stereotypes SAHM’s as ladies who didn’t really do that much except for a bit of cooking and cleaning whilst running behind their children to clean their snotty noses. Where did I get this image from? I can’t really say. Perhaps shows like Roseanne, Married with children or the Simpsons didn’t really help! Nor did the general idea that being a stay at home mom was a luxury and that these ladies did very little. People frown upon SAHM's

I suppose that I always had an idea that I would successful working mom and whilst I knew that I wanted a baby or two, I didn’t really think about the being at home with them part or how that would all work out!

Before I got pregnant, I was working. In August last year I said goodbye to that job and it was in November that I peed on a stick and saw two very distinct lines that said “Oh shit, everything is going to change”! Of course I was then in the dilemma of being pregnant and thinking about looking for a job. Problem is who is really going to offer you a contract when in a few months you will be taking leave for a minimum of 4 months to have a baby and thereafter your reliability may not be what it once was. Add that to the fact that being in a foreign country and not speaking the language fluent enough for an office job does somewhat limit your possibilities. Sales has never interested me, I would rather go and paint my face and pretend to be a tree on La Rambla for money than phone some poor unsuspecting tool trying to sell underwater hairdryers. That left job offers of working for Oxfam (commission based) standing in the street trying to get donations, handing out leaflets to tourists, late night work handing out discount drinks flyers in front of bars, or being a pub crawl party guide. Interesting as those were, I had a feeling that a rapidly growing baby bump may cast a doubt over my meeting the ‘party girl’ request in the job offer. Thankfully xavi being the hero that he is told me not to worry and that he was earning enough to support us and that I should just rest and prepare for the baby. Oh ok then! I was (and still am) studying a graphic design course, and I did my best to continue with that, but I suddenly found myself with a first class addiction to pregnancy forum web sites and to anything else pregnancy related. I couldn’t go a day without finding out how my ladies on the ‘I Am Pregnant’ forum were feeling. I was busy every day, but I cannot for the life of me remember what I was doing! But I did not feel like a SAHM at any point. Perhaps because I was not a mom. Being a ‘step mom’ type person to Yaincoa didn’t count.

Then little Miss Muppet came along and my life got thrown upside down. I was super busy and engrossed with her and it all went by in a blur. I was at home, but I still did not feel like a SAHM. In September, my sister came over to visit. She was pregnant and asked ‘What do you do all day?’ it was an innocent question but I imagined many people asking the same and thinking ‘great life, all she has to do is look after the baby, clean a little and that is it’. I tried to explain what I did in a day and that actually it was a helluva lot, but I wasn’t too convinced that anyone believed me.

Then last week after spending the ENTIRE day trying to clean the house (everything takes ten times longer when you have a baby as you have to do everything around them), and the following day doing washing and cooking etc, it suddenly hit me. I had morphed into a SAHM without even realising it. I felt a bit squeamish about this. Somehow the image I had in my head of being a creative mom who was staying at home with her bundle of joy and being surrounded by handmade creations that we had made didn’t seem to fit in with the person who had just spent 2 days cleaning and washing. Whilst wearing black comfy pants and a big jersey. I have also been labelled a feminist in the past, so the cooking and cleaning wasn’t sitting so well with me. I sat down at had a talk with myself about all of this. So I am doing the cooking and cleaning. Well that is simply because Xavi is waking up at 6 am to go and work and is working as hard as he can to allow me to stay at home with our little one, so in exchange I maintain the household. I am a mom and I am staying at home. We come in all shapes and sizes, some do more, some do less, and we are not overweight tights wearing freaks. We are ladies lucky enough to be able to spend even more time with our children and experience every moment with them. The thought of putting Emmeline into a ‘Guardaria’ (crèche) over here at 4 months old makes me feel physically sick. The idea of someone else teaching her to sit and stand, someone else feeding her, someone else watching her learn to laugh? Uh no, no, no.

And as for the crap about we don’t do a lot during our day, simply mooch around watching Oprah. Huh! To anyone who thinks that we have it easy, here is a general day:

06:00/07:00 – wake up with Emmeline talking, try give her the dummy and quieten her, run for a quick wee, realise Emmeline will not go back to sleep, bring her into bed with me, fall asleep hugging her close

08:00 – wake up, try convince Emmeline to go back to sleep and eventually give in when she starts blowing bubbles and practicing her higher pitched gurgling, feed her in bed so she doesn’t get distracted by the TV

08:30 – make coffee and cereal; go through to the lounge with breakfast and baby. Put on TV, watch news, check emails, bank balance and a quick look at face book of course. Try to get Emmeline to sleep

10:00 – put Emmeline in her crib to sleep .get cleaned, dressed, beds made, dishes to kitchen, clothing in cupboards.

10:30 – Emmeline wakes up. Get her changed, dressed, and play with her.

11:00 – Emmeline in crib. Wash dishes, clean house, put on a load of washing

11:30 – feed Emmeline, burp her, probably change her nappy – she likes to poo whilst breastfeeding!

12:00 – put Emmeline to sleep again, hang up washing

13:00 – go to supermarket, stock up on necessities

14:30 – feed Emmeline, change her, burp her, and put her down to nap, make lunch

15:00 – try to do something! Work stuff (we have our own company), sewing, organising, computer stuff, personal stuff, anything!

16:00 – me and Emmeline go to have a long sleep together

18:00 – wake up

19:00 – dinner, feed Emmeline, play with her

20:30 – bath Emmeline

21:00 – put Emmeline to bed

01:00 – wake up for feeding

04:00 – wake up for feeding

Not that easy is it? Admittedly Xavi helps out a lot, and when we don’t have Yaincoa, even more. My free time whilst he is helping out is then spent with Emmeline. SAHM’s have several job roles. We have to divide ourselves into keeping everything running smoothly in the house, being absolutely everything for the newborn baby, being mommy to any other children in the household, being an open and supportive ear to our partners when they come home, being good children by taking our children to see their grandparents, trying to meet up with friends, and somehow, God knows where, find a tiny nanosecond of time just for us!

I am a stay at home mom, and I am proud of it. So I am not doing my dream job, living the high life, putting my studies to good use, no, but this morning when Emmeline giggled at me making Peek a Boo faces at her, nothing else seemed important any more. I feel lucky to be able to spend so much time with her instead of stuck behind a computer!